allie

my computer is fixed, wooo-hooo :)
now back to studying

The Paradoxical Commandments
by:  Dr. Kent M. Keith


People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

I'm glad it's over.
I mean, the hurt is not over by any means...but I'm glad all the viewing, and funerals, and what-not are over with.
I am so exhausted. (I slept through class yesterday morning, and didn't get up until 11 this morning -which is way late for me).
This has taken alot out of me, and it stil is.

The funeral was even harder than the viewing, and I didn't think that was possible.
Watching them carry his body out, and knowing it was the last time I would ever see him...I can't even explain.

The minister was a little much.
We all kind of felt like he was trying to save our souls, through Ade's death.
He said (screamed actually) at one point "If you ever want to see Ade again, you must love God!".
Now don't get me wrong, I am a religious person...but that is not what this funeral was about- it was about Ade...who by the way was most definitly not religious.
After the minister was done though, he let friends and family get up and say what they wanted about him.
This was precisely the point when my heart broke.
Mostly it was his family that got up, and I began to worry that none of his friends were going to have the guts to..
but then David gets up, and he can hardly talk he is crying so hard, and he basically says what all of us were feeling in our hearts.
That Ade was a great friend, person, brother, son....and that none of us will ever be the same without him, but that we have to let him go.

It's hard, because I keep trying to find a reason for it...and there just isn't one.
It's over now, nothing is going to change it...and I just need to let it go.

It's funny how everything happens at once.
I'm at an all time low.

The viewing last night was probably one of the hardest things I have experienced in my life, thus far.
Seeing my 20 year old friend laying there dead...I thought I would never stop crying.  
It's just so senseless.
What was worse though, was seeing his mom.
No parent should have to bury their child, it's just not right.
The body looked good though, and by "good" I mean not scary (like I expected).
It looked just like him sleeping, only his neck and face were a little bloated.
His mom put him in his favorite Bob Marley t-shirt, and when I noticed that my second time looking at the body, it only made me cry all the harder.
I really wish I would have went and hung out with him before he died, but I guess that's life.  

Almost all of his friends went, even some I had never seen before.
It was nice though because me, Drew, and Brandon all rode together...and we are the ones that have known him the longest.
We are the ones that grew up with him.
I was glad we could all re-unite on his behalf.
I hope it doesn't take something this tragic happening before I get to see them again.

I was really upset to learn that after the viewing, alot of the people there went over to this one guys house and got drunk and high.
The nerve of people, I just don't understand.
It seems so wrong...you just went and saw the body of your dead friend, and then you are going to go out and get fucking drunk and high...exactly what he was doing the night he died?
But I guess some people will never learn, and that's the really sad thing about all of this...
the only good thing that could come out of Ade's death would be his friends learning from it, and trying to make more positive changes in their lives...but I just don't see that happening.
And it's really sad.
It's like he truely died in vain...and I think that's what I'm most depressed about now.

The funeral is today and I'm not looking forward to it.
I'm so emotionally drained right now, I don't know if I can take another day of tears.
But I don't have a choice.