allie

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:16:47 GMT

my computer is fixed, wooo-hooo :)
now back to studying

new tattoo

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 11:45:44 GMT

although some may not find it quite as beautiful as I do (for reasons that are their own), to me, it is really special and something I have wanted to do for a long time.

i love it.

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 22:55:53 GMT

The Paradoxical Commandments
by: Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 20:56:20 GMT

I'm glad it's over.
I mean, the hurt is not over by any means...but I'm glad all the viewing, and funerals, and what-not are over with.
I am so exhausted. (I slept through class yesterday morning, and didn't get up until 11 this morning -which is way late for me).
This has taken alot out of me, and it stil is.

The funeral was even harder than the viewing, and I didn't think that was possible.
Watching them carry his body out, and knowing it was the last time I would ever see him...I can't even explain.

The minister was a little much.
We all kind of felt like he was trying to save our souls, through Ade's death.
He said (screamed actually) at one point "If you ever want to see Ade again, you must love God!".
Now don't get me wrong, I am a religious person...but that is not what this funeral was about- it was about Ade...who by the way was most definitly not religious.
After the minister was done though, he let friends and family get up and say what they wanted about him.
This was precisely the point when my heart broke.
Mostly it was his family that got up, and I began to worry that none of his friends were going to have the guts to..
but then David gets up, and he can hardly talk he is crying so hard, and he basically says what all of us were feeling in our hearts.
That Ade was a great friend, person, brother, son....and that none of us will ever be the same without him, but that we have to let him go.

It's hard, because I keep trying to find a reason for it...and there just isn't one.
It's over now, nothing is going to change it...and I just need to let it go.

It's funny how everything happens at once.
I'm at an all time low.

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 14:07:10 GMT

The viewing last night was probably one of the hardest things I have experienced in my life, thus far.
Seeing my 20 year old friend laying there dead...I thought I would never stop crying.
It's just so senseless.
What was worse though, was seeing his mom.
No parent should have to bury their child, it's just not right.
The body looked good though, and by "good" I mean not scary (like I expected).
It looked just like him sleeping, only his neck and face were a little bloated.
His mom put him in his favorite Bob Marley t-shirt, and when I noticed that my second time looking at the body, it only made me cry all the harder.
I really wish I would have went and hung out with him before he died, but I guess that's life.

Almost all of his friends went, even some I had never seen before.
It was nice though because me, Drew, and Brandon all rode together...and we are the ones that have known him the longest.
We are the ones that grew up with him.
I was glad we could all re-unite on his behalf.
I hope it doesn't take something this tragic happening before I get to see them again.

I was really upset to learn that after the viewing, alot of the people there went over to this one guys house and got drunk and high.
The nerve of people, I just don't understand.
It seems so wrong...you just went and saw the body of your dead friend, and then you are going to go out and get fucking drunk and high...exactly what he was doing the night he died?
But I guess some people will never learn, and that's the really sad thing about all of this...
the only good thing that could come out of Ade's death would be his friends learning from it, and trying to make more positive changes in their lives...but I just don't see that happening.
And it's really sad.
It's like he truely died in vain...and I think that's what I'm most depressed about now.

The funeral is today and I'm not looking forward to it.
I'm so emotionally drained right now, I don't know if I can take another day of tears.
But I don't have a choice.

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 21:14:09 GMT

Visited UGA this morning and I never would have guessed a campus that beautiful existed.
It really is breath-taking, and now I'm excited.

I want want want want to get in really bad.

unwell

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:14:42 GMT

I finally cried for Ade last night,
and now I haven't stop since.

I swear this year has been so hard already, and it's only halfway through.
It's funny how everything seems to happen at once too.
The funeral is on Monday, and I know it's going to tear me up...but still, there was never a question of whether I would be going or not.

I'm going to visit UGA in the morning with my parents,
I would probably be excited about it too if I wasn't so damn depressed.

Life isn't fair.
And it's so hard sometimes.
And I know there's got to be a silver lining somewhere, but I can't see it yet.

I need to try and pull it together.

"But oh, the things I learned...When sorrow walked with me." - Robert Browning Hamilton

life is crazy.

Thu, 31 May 2007 01:30:58 GMT

My friend, Ade, died last night.
He had been drinking and getting high, and decided he was going to try and drive...and now he's gone forever.

I haven't cried yet, and I don't know why...I'm just still kind of in shock.
He has lived down the street from me for 11 years, since I moved to Georgia...I think it still hasn't hit me yet that I'll never see him again.
I feel bad that I didn't get to say goodbye. I mean I see him in passing all the time, but we haven't hung out in almost a year...and that's mostly due to the fact that I was trying to seperate myself from the drugs and that atmosphere...and this is exactly why
.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone- and I'm sorry that you won't get to see it, Ade.
No matter what has happened between us in these last 11 years, I will always look back on you with the fondest of memories.
And I miss you already.
Rest in peace.

hi

Sun, 27 May 2007 22:36:11 GMT

I'm still alive,
and decent.

This weekend has been nice.
Friday I went to the pool, and had some friends over to stay the night.
Saturday we all went to Helen.
Today (and tomorrow too!) was spent at the lake.
And in about an hour I'm going to see Pirates.
I'm very excited.

I don't know how to do lj cuts anymore-

nothing

Thu, 17 May 2007 02:37:44 GMT

I didn't do as good (grade wise) as I would have hoped this semester, but I didn't do bad either.
2 A's and 2 B's.
This is the first time in my life I have ever made a B in English; that should tell you something about the sad excuse for a professor I had. ughhh
(Nick-DO NOT take Ms. Smith!)
It didn't seem to change the GPA too much though, so whatever.

Me and Erik had another sleepover last night, and it just makes me want to move in with him more and more.
It's great ending the day with a kiss from him before bed, cuddling with him all night, and then starting a new day with a kiss from him first thing in the morning.
Today was a good day, and it couldn't have had a better start.

Summer classes start on Monday and I'm not ready for it yet.
Even though it's only 2 classes, MY GOD, I am getting burnt out.
I feel like I just got out (I did!), and now it's time to go back.

I have nothing to write about anymore.
everything is so damn wonderful.
sorry for this waste of time entry :)

Tue, 15 May 2007 13:37:39 GMT

i'm going to scream

happy mothers day

Sun, 13 May 2007 16:44:56 GMT

Fri, 11 May 2007 03:39:37 GMT

Erik's parents are coming down for the weekend,
I'm excited to see them again.

His brother is coming too, which means I'll finally get to meet him.
He is the only family member left that I haven't met.

I always get so nervous the first time I meet someone in his family too.
Just because I want them to like me I guess.
I remember the first time I met his parents; I thought I was going to die I was so scared.
But they are wonderful.
Everytime I am around them they make me feel like I am already a part of the family.

Wed, 09 May 2007 04:24:16 GMT

Things are really good.
I know I say that alot- but there are much worse things I could say, so I'm glad.

It's really nice getting a little break from school.
I've been sleeping in, and I haven't gotten to do that in so long.
I figure I deserve it.

Me and Erik rented a cabin next month in the mountains.
I am beyond excited.
It will most likely be the only vacation I get (besides going home with him to NC every so often) this year, and it's really the only one I could think of wanting.
Me, him, Sidney, mountains, cabin, HOT TUB, etc...I can't wait.

I really really love when me and Erik are talking and he says things like,
"one day I'm going to buy land and build a house back home."
and I say, "you can't leave me", and then he says:
"by that time we'll be married, why wouldn't you be coming with me?"

I love that he talks about our future as if there is no doubt in his mind that we will have one together.
Because in my heart that's something I'm very sure of too.

I'm really sleepy right now because I worked a full 8 hours today.
sleepy and content.
and rambling.

I've stopped doing the survey because Erik has my camera right now...does anyone even care if I finish it??

"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream. "
Vincent Van Gogh

Tue, 08 May 2007 01:53:53 GMT

sometimes everything is so wonderful I could just scream

so

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 22:14:52 GMT

I go to work today, walk into my office...and on my desk there is a huge bouquet of flowers with a note that says, "Thanks for all your help so far, we are so glad to have you as the newest member of our team."

My managers bought me damn flowers.

A job where I am actually appreciated?!?!? I almost don't know what to think.

:)

heya

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 15:31:47 GMT

i'm so glad summer is here.

carly made me an awesome survey, I'll post it soon.

Happy Birthday Nick Tanner -

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 13:40:26 GMT

This entry is devoted to one of the coolest, most intelligent, and most down to earth people I have ever met.
I still miss working with you everyday Nick.
You were alot of the reason why I loved working at Chapter 11 so much.
I miss our talks, your advice, and you making fun of me when my life was so full of bullshit drama.

I'm sad we never see each other anymore, but I hope we can change that in the very near future.
I love you, and I hope your birthday is all you want it to be.
Whenever I DO get to see you, I'll have something for you.
<3

thought this would be fun

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 21:56:36 GMT

20 things you probably don't know about me.

1. I have a brain like a sponge, and my memory is amazing. I can recall names/dates/places/events from forever ago with no problem. I've always been this way. Most of the time if you tell me something once, you'll never have to tell me again.

2. I have this thing about the different foods on my plate touching each other. I can't stand it.

3. I also have a thing about needles and blood. I get faint at the mere THOUGHT of either of them. And for this reason, going to the doctor is extremely hard for me, especially when I have to get my blood taken.

4. In highschool I aquired the reputation of "the whore" because I lost my virginity before everyone else. There are still some people that have never let me live that down. There are still some people that think I am nothing more than a slut. It's alright though. What I didnt know in highschool that I know now, is that those people never mattered.

5. I am in my second year of college studying to be a highschool english teacher. Everyone asks me "WHY?". But honestly, it's all I've ever wanted/pictured myself doing. And I really can't wait to graduate and get out there and start.

6. I am a book fanatic (most of you probably already know this). I read constantly, and if I could I would spend all my money on books.  -this is probably also some of the reason why I want to be an english teacher.

7. My mother wanted to name me Morgan after her grandmother, thankfully my father fought for me and somehow I ended up as Allison.

8. I am anemic. And because of it, I am almost constantly tired and weak.

9. I was, at one point, heavily addicted to drugs.  It's something I don't really like to talk about, but it's something I will never let myself forget because it reminds me of where I never ever want to be again. Been arrested twice, and I'm not proud of anything I did. I decided to turn my life around 2 1/2 years ago after almost spending Christmas locked up...and I've never looked back. I will never again compromise the things that are important in my life.

10. I've dated two guys that had messed around with probably as many guys as they had girls. I was never informed until after the break ups. I have nothing against gay people whatsoever, but I would prefer that my boyfriends be 100% straight, ya know?

11. One thing I really want to do with my life is travel. I want to see all I can, while I can.

12. I am 1/2 German and 1/2 Swedish, and proud of it.

13. The only event from my childhood that I can remember in its entirety is the night my brother was born. It was one of my happiest moments as a kid.

14. I am an extremely emotional person. I cry when I'm happy, sad, angry...I cry alot.   I get it from my mother.

15. I LOVE all animals (you probably already knew this too), but dogs are by far my favorite.   I plan on getting a house with a huge yard so that I can have a ton of dogs.

16. I eat like an absolute pig. Sometimes I think I am addicted to food, because if I really wanted to I could sit around and eat all day long. I LOVE FOOD, and I'm really afraid that one day it's all going to catch up to me. My high metabolism can't last forever, can it?

17. When it comes to politics, I don't quite know where I stand. My parents are strictly Republican, but I am definitly not..and we've decided not to even discuss politics because our views are so different that we usually end up screaming at each other. I took this quiz thing in my political science class that said I was liberal...but I really don't think I fit into just one party.

18. I drive a truck. It wasn't my first choice originally, but now? I love it.

19. I am probably one of the most patient people you will ever meet.

20. I am also honest to a fault. I will be the first person to call you a dumbass if I think you are being one, regardless of whether your my friend or not. That's just how I am, and alot of people can't take it, and I probably come off as a bitch...which I guess I have to understand. I'm trying to learn how to think a little more before I speak.

okay- your turn!

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 12:52:18 GMT

i'm always tired.

i skipped my history class again today...I only have 3 more days of class and yet I had to skip it.
that's how lazy I have become when it has to do with school.
i just don't see the point though...I could never have gone to that class all semester and still aced it.
plus the final is take home.

so as i just said, this semester is almost over.
then i'll have approximately 2 weeks to relax, until I start my summer classes.
i'm exhausted just thinking about it.

life is good though,
i'm trying not to stress too much about it...but damn i could use a vacation.
and i mean for more than just a weekend.
it would be so awesome to just take a week (or more!) with erik and get out of here.
i haven't gone anywhere for more than a weekend in the 2 years i have been in college.
but I guess that's what happens.
in a few more years it will all have been worth it.
atleast i hope so.

i've been walking around for the last week with hickies on my neck,
and then right when they are starting to go away he puts two more there last night. haha great.
i bet my new boss is loving it.
i don't care either way, I wouldn't change it.

everday i love him more and more, and I never knew that was possible.
everyday is like the first, but so much better because it's not the first.
i can't even explain it...
but I never knew I could feel like this. I never imagined I'd meet someone that would completely change me in this way.
i knew from the first time I saw him that there was something about him.
and I knew from the first time I spoke with him that i wanted him.
and from then on out, I've slowly discovered that he is all I want and need for my life.
everyday I know it more and more.

my god I want to ask him to marry me.

hey carly- where's my survey? i'm going to need something to further distract me from schoolwork tonight so get on it! :)

at the park

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 21:56:51 GMT

today has been gorgeous so far, so we went to the park!

Erik is at some stupid wedding and I wish he would hurry up and get home.

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 21:19:11 GMT

Okay, I have to write an entry because I'm tiring of seeing that bastards face every time I come to my page.
I've decided I'm not going to read anymore of the news on it, because everytime I do I get mad and it puts me in a bad mood.
I looked at his little tape today at work on MSNBC, with those pathetic pictures of him with his guns trying to look like he's a fucking hardass or something, and the statements he made about dying like Jesus, and I just wanted to reach through the screen and kill him myself.
But it's too late for that, and it's too late for anything...so I need to stop getting myself angry over it.

Life is going good.
This past weekend (as I said before) was wonderful, I love going to North Carolina with Erik.
I never want to come home.
I didn't end up getting any pictures of us for some reason, only of Sidney. haha, typical.

but she's cuter anyways.

I'm really glad this semester is almost over.
I don't even know why I have a journal, I never have anything to say.

Hey Nick, where's my survey????????

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 21:00:26 GMT

ever wondered what a coward-ass piece of shit looks like?

well there you go.
what a sad, sad excuse for a human being.

who thought we'd ever get this far?

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 02:21:07 GMT

my weekend was wonderful.
i'm really bummed to be back in georgia, it's just not the same here.
it's not even close actually.

i miss erik already and my bed is going to be cold and lonely without my babies in it with me tonight.

we camwhored today

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 21:48:28 GMT

I love my little brother so much.

I discovered while taking these pictures that he is now taller than me.
It's a little depressing.
I don't know when it happened...but it seems like overnight he has become this young MAN.
Scary.
Pretty soon I'm going to have to be kicking bitches asses when they try and mess with him.
And I will too.

I can't wait for this weekend, I'm sure I'll have lots of pictures when I get back.
Life is good.